It’s a Pirate’s Life for Me

Man with a dew rag, eye patch, and tattoo sleeves looks like a pirateEvery now and then we intentionally do something silly. Most of these ideas are born out of a thought that just appears. Sunday was a perfect day to have some fun. My wife, Lori, had an appointment with her physical therapist right after we served breakfast at the Munro House. She also had a few errands to run. This left me behind to clean the house after a full night of guests. As is typical behavior for me, I get 90% done, then catch up on my internet stuff, then finish my work. On this day, I was checking out my Facebook account, when I read that my friend Eddie had changed the language on his Facebook page to US Pirate. I thought, “Arrr!” and decided to change my language, too.

Man and woman with dew rags and tattoo sleeves with an orange dog perched on his shoulderThe information bar selections changed from “Home, Profile, Friends, and Inbox”, to “Home Port, Me, Me Hearties, and Bottle o’ Messages”. “What’s on Your Mind, and Share” became “What Be Troublin’ Ye and Divvy Spoils to All Ye Mateys”. This was just too much silly fun to not want to become a pirate for a day. I started talking to myself in pirate–reciting terms I remembered from old movies and cartoons while using “arrr” a lot. I quoted a line from a Cheech and Chong album–“tie that scurvy dog to the yard arm”–that was fun to say. I recalled Captain Hank’s answering machine “Me can’t come to the phone for me be busy floggin’ me first mate on the poop deck”. Ooooh, this was going to be fun. Then I searched for “how to talk like a pirate” on the internet and found some cool websites including youtube videos to help with meaning, diction, and pronunciation. It didn’t take long to get into the pirate spirit and I was growling, groveling and talking crudely with a decent vocabulary in just a few short minutes.
man with black dew rag, eye patch, and tattoo sleeves wearing a Michigan M shirtThis was also the day that me mates had planned to go to see a movie. We wanted to see “Wolverine” and just had to choose which show time would work for us all. I was posting to my facebook account in pirate when Jeramie replied “Are we going as pirates today, that would be great.” That was all the incentive I needed. I replied, “AYE!” I scoured me house for some pirate garb. I found a maroon cloth napkin that I made into a head band and blacked out a triangular shaped post-it note for an eye patch. Me looked everywhere for anything resembling a parrot that I could put on me shoulder. Alas, none be found. Then, I came across a small brightly colored stuffed animal that at quick glance could be mistaken for a parrot, so I duct-taped the dog to me shoulder.
About that time, Lori called. She had some man with maroon headband and eye patch with an orange dog perched on his shoulderstuff to pick up at Wal-Mart. I told her it was going to be a pirate day and she was all-in. She got excited and said she would find us some pirate stuff. Around Halloween, this would be an easy task, but alas, the first week in May could be a challenge. I suggested a triangle hat–fat chance, a handkerchief or a dew rag from the notions department, big hoop earrings from jewelry, an eye patch from the pharmacy, a length of rope to make belts from the… rope department??? and anything else she could find.


man with eye patch, dew rag, and tattoo sleeveThe lass did a great fine job, she did. Aye, she found a pair of hoop earrings–one for each of us–and a couple of pirate dew rags. Me found some left-over Halloween tattoo sleeves–one set for ladies and one for gentlemen. Me put on me gold Super Bowl ring, turned a black piece of foam into an eye patch, and me likes me colorful li’l dog on me shoulder. Arrrr! Me matey, Chad, come to me home port to sail away to the theater unprepared. A travelin’ day it be for him and he didn’t get the bottle message depictin’ the theme of the day.

2 men and a woman dressed like pirates wearing dew rags and tattoo sleevesAlas, me matey could not go to Hillsdale port dressed like royalty, so we buccaneered him up just a wee bit with a head rag. Arrrrr! The day ’tis ripe for the takin’. Shiver me timbers, being lured to a Marvel movie in pirate garb made no sense at all. Me be sure ye deemed we be scallywags when we breached the theater. Doubloons and pieces of eight were divvied up to enter and purchase a treasure trove of pale grog an’ corn an’ sweets. Alas, the proprietor asked what size me wanted an’ of course me answered, “larrrrrrge!”
woman pirate wearing dew rag, hoop earring and wolverine clawsYarrrr! The rest of me hearties dropped anchor with e’er a lusty wench, too. Ye “Wolverine” movin’ picture show bewitched me lady into thinking she be part of the mutant X-Men. She disappeared for a wee moment, then lo, she smartly reappeared, with claws comin’ out of her fists and daggers in her eyes! Aye, me thinks me buxom beauty be joinin’ the ranks of ye buccaneers. Yo ho ho, what a jolly fine treasure the movin’ picture show be. Ye “Wolverine” be a fine buccaneer to plunder with ye gentlemen of fortune. It cost me an’ the crew some fine doubloons, but me be grandly obliged to spend me booty with me hearties and ye lasses. Ye treasure was in the spirit of the day and spendin’ it with some true fine seadogs. Arrrrrrrrr!
girl with an eye patch, dew rag, and tattoo sleeveYe may be wonderin’ why I be tellin’ this tale. Yar ring me up on the distance talkin’ machine and if ye be talkin’ like a pirate when ye order up lodging for 2 eves that include September the 19th we’ll get ye a car-r-r-rd to get yer dinner for 2 at ye Saucy Dog’s Bar-r-r-rbeque on one night and dinner for 2 at Olivia’s Chop House on the other at no extra char-r-r-r-r-rge. Acquire me treasure on any room priced at $149 and up when ye stay 2 nights. Limit 2 land lubbers per room. Ye can make the reservation online, but to get the dinners, ye must call directly by phone at 1-800-320-3792 and talk like a pirate to get yer dinner car-r-r-rds. A week’s notice is required. Can’t be combined with any other booty or treasure. We’ll swab the poop deck with all ye mutinous dogs who try. Ar-r-r-r-rr!



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *